Bringing Bandit Home

When we lost Bandit, we decided to have him privately cremated so that we could bring him back home. We haven't quite decided whether we will spread his ashes are keep him. So for now, he is resting on the shelf in our living room. It's crazy to imagine our beautiful 105 pounds baby is now in a tiny box that weighs maybe 8 pounds. I honestly didn't really know what to expect, but it was done quite beautifully as you can see below. Also, a portion of the cremation cost was donated towards scholarships for students of the University of Washington's  Veterinarian School. I haven't quite found the courage to actually take a good look at it or to read the notes included inside, but I'm sure one day I will.

Our veterinarian office also gave us a free clay paw print of Bandit with his name stamped across the top. They left it soft so that we can place a frame hook on it, paint it the color of our choice, and make small manipulations. The paw print was what really brought tears to my eyes and pictures of him laying on the blankets as we walked away after we laid him to rest started flashing through my mind.

I keep thinking as each day goes by, it will hurt less, it will get better. Honestly, it has not. My heart still hurts, my eyes still tear up whenever I think or talk about him, and I miss him dearly. There are moments when I forget that he is no longer here and I become overwhelmed with emotions when reality hits. Although the time we had with him was absolutely wonderful, I don't know if I could go through this again. I know death is a part of life, but this has been heartbreaking. Especially, when faced with the decision on whether a love one is to live or die....it was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life. I kept questioning myself and doubting whether I was truly making the right decision, a decision that once made, was permanent.

I guess it just takes time. He was sweet, loving, and downright hilarious. I just have to keep reminding myself that he had a wonderful life and remember that contagious smile that never left his face even during his last breath of life. I love and miss you my baby Bandit!

~Hong